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Am I “Teacher-y” or “Researcher-y” Enough?

A Glimpse into the Inner Doubt of an

Early-Career Mathematics Educator

By Amy Ray

As a mathematics educator, the author has often experienced tension between the mathematics
and education components of her work. Similarly, as a pre-tenured faculty member, she has
grappled with questions about her identity as a teacher and researcher. In this article, she
explores the tensions between her roles as a teacher and as a researcher and unpacks the inner
doubt experienced in navigating spaces that require her to leverage different aspects of her
identity as an early-career mathematics educator. Her reflections raise issues of identity for all
educators.

uring the early years of my academic journey as a tenure-track faculty member,
DI have thought a lot about the role of identity that permeates all aspects of my
work. How do we perceive ourselves (and others perceive us) as scholars, educators,
researchers, teachers, stakeholders, or participants in public education? More
personally, in what group or groups will I choose to situate myself and my work
at this point in my career? As a mathematics educator, I sometimes do not always
exactly fit into the groups of which I am a member. Often, I am not “math-y” enough
for the math spaces I frequent. Other times, I am perceived as not “education-y”
enough in education spaces. Sitting in the intersection of two areas of study has
required that I consider my identity often as I move between different groups.
When I reflect on when this questioning of my professional identity perhaps
began, I am transported back to a sharp memory from my doctoral studies. I arrived
at graduate school in 2013 armed with secondary teaching experience and motivated
by questions related to mathematics assessment. For my graduate degree plan, I
enrolled in both graduate level education and mathematics courses. On the first day
of one of my graduate mathematics classes, I noticed I was the only female in the
room; my peers and my professor were male. Then, just before the start of class,
a peer turned toward me and asked, “Are you in the right place?” In my previous
career as a secondary mathematics teacher, I never felt out of place or unusual as a
woman, but in a new context of graduate mathematics, I was made fully aware of
my identity as a woman in a male-dominated space. This experience stands out to
me as a probable catalyst for my own navigation of issues of identity related to my
professional persona.
Fast-forward a decade from this memory: As a faculty member at an institution
that recently moved from an R3 (moderate research activity) to R2 (high research
activity) designation, I have felt the tension between the teaching and research aspects
of my job. Perhaps this pull between these two aspects is just a matter of striking
a balance. Even so, I find that analyzing and unpacking the aspects of identity that
fall into these categories is fruitful for making sense of how I fit into my department
and university community and situate myself in the larger mathematics-education

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